Good Grief

I went out on a date with my hot boyfriend tonight, a practice we are struggling to make habit in our crazy lives. Ryan loves movies, and he loves superhero movies the most. Lucky for him, there is a never ending supply of those on the market right now. They are not my favorite (I struggle with swallowing the unbelievable), but am happy to go with him because I know he enjoys them so much. It is a very rare occasion that a movie comes out that peeks my interest. I love a good historical piece, but often those end up containing more violence and carry a higher rating than my pre-pubescent sentiments can handle. I must admit that I am also a sucker for a good romance. Unfortunately for me, a movie fitting my definition of a good romance hasn't come around since, oh, lets say "While You Were Sleeping". These movies so often focus on the sexual/physical aspect of a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I know that this is an important part, but it isn't the deepest most abiding part. The part that gets me coming back for more is the emotional aspect of a relationship. "The Age of Adeline" seemed to fit this bill, so I drug my ever cooperative husband to it(who, let's face it, owed me one after 10 superhero movies in a row. He had no choice). The premise of the movie is that Adeline, who is born in 1908, endures a freak accident at the age of 29 that stops her age progression. One would think that the ability to never age would be an amazing gift, a fountain of youth with limitless possibilities worth an invaluable price. But, she will forever remain the same age, causing her to have to move from place to place and avoid any close personal relationships in order to keep her from becoming an oddity and a government experimental rat. She eventually gets tired of running and the avoidance of emotional ties and decides to take a risk. She begins dating a young man with whom she feels a very strong connection. Lucky for her, she miraculously experiences another freak accident that reverses the effects of the first, causing her to age again. I could feel the relief in myself and in the entire movie theater as she discovers her first gray hair. Why was that so relieving? It seems counterintuitive. As I though about it, the relief came because, even though youth is highly valued, there is greater value in the experiences we have with those we love as we grow old with them.  Pain, loss, and life's let downs all forge the relationships that we cherish into something stronger than we could ever experience otherwise.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the marriage ceremony of a young lady who I have had the privilege of watching grow up over the last several years. When I met her, she was 14 years old, with braces and nothing more to worry about than a history quiz to study for and the boy she was into that particular week. Today she is still young, only 20 years old, and her new husband not much more than that. As I sat in that ceremony, just a few feet from them, I couldn't help but reflect on what their lives had in store for them. Some might say that it is foolish to commit yourself to someone at so young an age, that you can't truly know if that person will make you happy in 10, 20, or even 50 years. I don't think it is about someone "making" us happy though. So many of the experiences that lay in front of them will undoubtedly be very difficult. Everybody has their own package of uniquely designed hardships. As we approach those difficulties together, we develop the kind of bonds that are the stuff of true happiness. Welding requires intense heat, but without that heat the two objects cannot be joined together.

Different experience, same vein. I attended a funeral today of the husband of a good friend. He was an even better friend to Cory. In fact, they finally get to hang out again because they are buried a mere 10 yards from each other. He was 46 years old. Beautiful wife. 4 kids. They have endured more family hardships than anyone should be asked to endure at that age. Not fair. At least at first glance it doesn't seem that way. I think this is the point of marriage though. We have no idea how long we are going to be allowed to stay together on this ride called life. Could be 1 year and 8 months. Could be 28 years. Could be 72 years. The beauty of marriage is that the commitment says "No matter how long we are here together, I take care of you and you take care of me. I will sacrifice for you and put our needs above mine. At times it may get pretty ugly and one or the other of us is probably going to get pretty darn banged up, but I am staying on the ride for the whole ride". The trick is to thank God that you got to take the ride at all.